Cos I'm a happy dog. My mum gives me strokes and kisses and cuddles all day. Nobody can believe I'm 14. I still race around the park, but when I'm at home nowadays I like to sleep a lot. My Mum does too. She turns the phones off and pretends she's out. She doesn't answer the door either. I used to bark when the doorbell rang, but seeing as my mistress can't be arsed to answer it, I've decided I can't be arsed to bark anymore. This is how we work together as a team.
I don't know why we've got a doorbell really. I call it the cuss bell. When someone has the temerity to ring it, my mistress goes "Who the fucks that?......tell 'em to piss off"....forgetting I can't speak humanoid. Although she tells people I can...She swears I can say "I love you". It's a bit sad. Cos all I'm doing is clearing my throat in a doggy kind of way. But don't tell her.
